The Saxicolous and the Callipygian

Hello friend … do you find yourself one of the masses? Do you find yourself feeling sick to your stomach at the thought of humanity draining your very soul…..consumerism at an all time high even though people are dying miles away and there’s practically nothing you can do about it?

Well stop, because it’s practically pointless… In about 5 billion years from now, our sun will begin to die. It will slough off its outer layers and form a nebula that scorches every planet  until it reaches pluto, there in rendering our planet unsuitable for life.

These empires we have built, this history we have created, the knowledge, the inventions, the stupidity and glory the human race seems to dedicate itself to… is damn near pointless.

We are some of the most complex pieces of dust in the modern universe … fighting to better ourselves despite our impending doom.

Think about it. The pyramids will be reduced to ash, our populace drops down to zero, and our history disappears into the abyss.

No one will know we ever existed …and we are worried about making something of ourselves, getting through college, paying off debt.

It’s positively pointless. We are here like any species to survive to the best of our ability …feed, fight, fuck, and die.

My question is what scares you more, the fact that our oceans are about to be full of oil, rendering half the world of its food supply, the fact we have people trying to run the country when all they care about is supporting votes and money, or the fact that one day…everything human will disappear?

The prospect of losing teeth horrifies me…not just horrifying, like “oh my goodness that bear is horrifying”….it’s more along the lines, of “oh my that bear is big….it’s running after me….it’s also foaming at the mouth, oh my , my leg is caught in a bear trap, OH MY GOD IT HAS MY LEG!!!” horrifying. Personlly I am going to take the first step and blame every societal influence I have got. Hence the theme of the day

F - you America you ruined me by giving me a complex…. a teeth complex…

After about a whole year of having interactions with the wholesome community of upstate new york, I have realized, people don’t put enough stock into their teeth. The ranges go from, dear lord you have the teeth of a GOD, to oh my, are you teething again? Personally, I think having teeth is directly correlated to the idea of procreation, along with the rather high standards of bathing regularly, being somewhat in shape-ish, there tends to be an attraction to people who have teeth. Why? Not exactly sure, after all nature gave us wisdom teeth to replace those teeth which went a stray, why would it matter whether or not a tooth went missing here or there? 

I’ll take Hollywood for 500 please?

Think about it, even George Washington had a splintery set of dentures. I blame people like smiling Bob who always get the ladies, who make it so the gumless Joe from Fulton is rather hard pressed to get a date. OK, so maybe it’s not just that, but coming by dentistry isn’t impossible. Come on, they have community centers for a reason. They make dental and physical maintenance possible for the man with moths inhabiting their wallets.

But hey every one goes to the dentist now a days! Smiling Bob just sets the stigma, but even the Mona lisa is falling apart…..

Here I am, some random college student hunched over a cheaply crafted desk in a room where one might find something they really need, but not before you dedicated a search party to look for it…Papers are strewn about the floor like a hit man had been sent to kill a printer, utensils are covered in something that once resembled peanut butter, but smells more like the rotting corpse of a road runner which died mid sprint through a dumpster… and then there is Coldplay… the collegic hallmark of a kid who’s “radically deep” and misunderstood by the masses. Weep for me - I am an introvert by societal nature and shop at the thrift store because I want to feel vintage, how cool am I?

It so happens that in the midst of my oh so meaningful college career of improving my wii fit bowling, I found my self listening to cold play. Trying to decipher whether “I’m all yellow” meant he had some kind emotional draw back….or if he REALLY had jaundice. And that’s when I realized how painfully dull my existence has become …playing Wii fit to pass time. Essentially I want to be greedy with my time, I don’t want to merely waste my time, I would like my waste to be meaningful waste… 

There in lies the reason I am here… on Tumblr…integrating myself into the black hole of THE BLOG. Like the other billion bloggers out there, I decided I want to try to put a song like meaning into my life and therein provide more useless garbage for the bored, incredibly inquisitive, and that person who just reads the interweb crap for a living to ponder.

And so begins the saga of the saxicolous and the callipygian…he who lives under a rock and has shapely buttox..